On The Buses

In a confrontation between a double decker bus and a 4 inch long MP3 player, there's only going to be one winner. The trouble is that this would never have happened if I was a proper poker pro, for three reasons. I was on a bus (1) going to yoga (2). Poker players may not be aware of this, but London commuters might ; the double deckers are very cleverly designed so that when you are on the top deck, the bus will invariably lurch to a start/stop just as you are coming/going at the top of the stairs. How many Senior Bus Pass owners are pitched down the stairs while the other passengers duck for cover from flying hipbone shrapnel is anyone's guess.

In this particular case, I was thrown forward and my top pocket, containing my MP3 player, was suddenly jammed against the pole which is your sole recourse against taking the quick way down. This is where reason 3 comes in. If I had big soft man-breasts like any self-respecting (or should that be self-loathing) poker pro has, they would have cushioned the impact with little or no damage. In the event though, the player was savagely crushed between the metal pole and my rock-hard pecs. KT Tunstall didn't miss a beat, trooper that she is, but on further inspection the case is cracked to buggery. Oh well, it still works !