Get It Quietly

Football, bollocks and a bit of poker if you're lucky.

Location: Enfield, London, United Kingdom

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Bits and Bobs

Another day, another poker team. This is getting out of hand. In this particular case, you have 4 players who all frequent the same casino, in small competitions, on a regular basis. I would be keeping a very close eye on proceedings if two of these were on my table. I don't mean to impugn everyone involved, but the one player of those four I know is not on my list of poker players I can trust (and he shouldn't take that personally, because that's a very short list). Well it's no particular skin off my nose. I can find enough small/medium tournament action online, I much prefer it now. Twice/three times as many hands per hour, in the comfort of my own home, and the magic "Chat off" button. If you're making your way in UK B+M small tournaments, keep your eyes open and, like the boxer, protect yourself at all times.

. . .

Have you ever heard anyone answer a mobile at a poker table and say anything other than "I can't talk now, I'm playing poker" ? So why the hell don't they switch them off ? I find it hard to believe that these shiftless oiks have the slightest need to be on call 24/7. The guy next to me yesterday took annoying ring tones to a new level. Every time his phone went off, we were treated to the sound of his squalling baby. The noises a baby makes when it wants attention are evolutionarily designed to be as annoying as possible. So I think this guy has discovered the ultimate annoying mobile ring tone. Good for you. Now fuck off.

. . .

I think I was just having a bad week at work. A combination of moving back to a 5 day week, suffering the tail end of a cold, having been kicked from pillar to post in our park football on Wednesday and being beset with awkward design issues. Now the cavalry has arrived in the form of a 4 day weekend, or should that be the Calvary (I should be on Radio 4 I'm so witty), I feel a bit more human. We'll try to restore that 4-day week in the autumn, and see if we can swing that sabbatical and I'll be alright. Nonetheless I think 2 or 3 more years of this max, before the shovel burns me out as Johnny Cash would say. An ear is still cocked and I do still have some bandwidth if anyone else wants some poker writing.

. . .

Hang on, what time is it ? Did the clocks go forward ? Good job I don't have any appointments today, before the 6pm WSOP satellite on Betfair that is ! (10 minutes later) Well in fact it wouldn't have mattered, because all the tournaments are still scheduled on GMT. Which is rather annoying. Maybe they'll change them next week when the US clocks move. I hope so because it would be a pain on a school night if everything's going to happen an hour later. Yet another argument in favour of having BST the whole year round. Farmers whinging about this are talking bollocks - surely they have X hours of daylight whatever we do ? And a few schools in the Orkney Islands could just open earlier couldn't they ? In the meantime 95% of us have to leave work in pitch darkness half the year round, which is damn depressing. Mind you I don't expect much support on this issue from the poker community, for obvious reasons :-)

. . .

Long old afternoon this is. I'm playing in two WSOP satellites tonight so have to ease off the online poker to keep myself fresh. What happens if I win a seat in both of them simultaneously ? Hehe I know I'll be alright. So anyway, I was doing some research about poker teams. Alright, I was surfing the web to try to find what other no-marks have somehow schmoozed themselves a sponsorship deal. And I touch base with Noble Poker to find that Jac Arama has been airbrushed from history. Who'd have thunk it.

Obviously it takes a great character to fill such shoes, and Noble Poker have turned to Mad Marty. Now everyone tells me Marty is a really nice, generous guy who lives for the day and fair play to him for that. But he isn't the best player I've ever seen. And when I saw a link to Mad Marty's School of Excellence (click on Marty's picture, you can't miss it). I was already plumping up the cushions in anticipation. And I was not to be disappointed as I read this sound advice about hand selection.

"If you only play good starting hands then you give yourself a better chance of success in the game. No matter how hard you try, you cannot turn bad cards into good ones. The selection of starting hands is probably the single most important area of the game as it is completely within your control, unlike all the other areas."

Yes indeed it is, can't fault that. It's just that the last time I played against Mad Marty, he made a raise of about 8 big blinds first to act on a 10-handed table. I found Aces and I was just taking a second to decide whether to reraise or call when he drawled in that incredible Lloyd Grossman accent he affects "are ya sure ya wanna call". I think so, yes. I pushed the rest in, he did actually have to call the reraise he had put so much in to start with - with 43. And no, this wasn't some rinkydink rebuy tournament, it was a $1000 super-satellite for the Big One. Having arrived on my table with a mountain of chips, he blew the lot in about 45 minutes.

Which is all fine, I'm not the poker police, play how you like, it just makes me laugh seeing someone like this running a School Of Excellence. When playing poker, it's about 10 times more important to play your best game all the time than it is to improve what your best game is. Even Keanu Reeves could see that in real life this was a School of Heinous Bogosity.


Blogger danmonkey said...

Agreed. I go to work in the dark and leave in the dark for the whole of winter. Also means I have to run on the roads all winter.
Hang on, running and working, guess I don't count as a real poker player.

3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish you all the best in your endeavours to become a leading poker writer. However I question the amount of legwork and doorstepping that the job requires when these juicy, hilarious stories hurl themselves into the boat. Piers Whyman sponsored F.F.S. - he geared up to the max when still a student and launched himself as a South coast Buy-to-Let tycoon and Coffee Jeff, who tries to recycle the Pink Pounds he earns from his java business in the 100 game at Brighton with minimal ability. Why don't people who need sponsorship get it, like the struggling Battersea Dorks Home, as Afghan Road should be known...

Alex the Gent

2:05 AM  
Blogger Andy_Ward said...

Not only that, it's hard to satirise when you really couldn't make anything better up. Mad Marty's School of Excellence ... I'm expecting some stick from his fan club over that one but I don't care, it made me laugh and laugh.


1:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First time I came across Marty was at the Rainbow in their £100 rebuy UK Masters comp or some so called event.

Marty's first action was to go all in with 5 3 o/s preflop and hit his set either on flop or 4th street.

For a virtual novice and in a biggy for the first time I was gobsmacked.

Marty's a bit loose at times but a great guy and he does know a bit about the game.

6:30 PM  

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