There is something I want to retract from a recent post on the poker blog
. Can you guess what it is ? It is this bit :
"We'll see if I can maintain the level a bit better this year."
You know what ? No, we won't. We'll see how much I want to play and then I'll play that much. I made a post on Facebook yesterday about wondering how much is enough. I don't have enough to stop entirely, and fly Upper Class to Vegas every time, no. But that's not what I want to do anyway
. I do have enough to chill, play when I want to, and not drive myself to meet artificial targets. I'm in danger of getting so caught up in the "professional mindset" that I forget why I quit work in the first place - because I didn't want to be professional all the time.
It's a Zen thing. "When hungry, eat ; when tired, sleep" as they say. Any time I want to play, play. If I want to play 100 hours a month, great, do it. If I don't, don't. A professional mindset is all well and good, and necessary when I am playing, but taking it too far just leads to me exchanging one regimen for another.
In some ways I think the blogs contribute to the situation. I was quoting numbers and using rankings to motivate myself on the poker blog, but that's kind of putting the cart before the horse. So I'm not going to do that any more. Does anyone really care if I'm #144 on pocket fives ? Even if they did, the question is do I ? And as for money, if I go busto, I'll let you know. Till then take it as read that things are cool. The same thing happens with the football blog, in a way. I think "if I don't go, people will know because of the blog and think I'm a lightweight". And so I sit through 0-0 v Watford on my own freezing my arse off when I didn't really fancy it to start with.
I am very, very lucky to be able to, within the bounds of conscience and consequences, do whatever the hell I like whenever the hell I feel like it. I shouldn't water that down because of what others might think of me, and of course the great irony is that if I don't water it down then most people will think more of me anyway, even though that's irrelevant. Now there's a Zen paradox !
PS Insert own "I'm Free" joke below.