Get It Quietly

Football, bollocks and a bit of poker if you're lucky.

Location: Enfield, London, United Kingdom

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Dahn The Den

I have been watching downloads of "The Poker Den" this week. The Poker Den might just be my new favourite poker TV show. It's a lot like High Stakes Poker except that the buy-in is 1/10 as much (or 1/50 as much of the 500K HSP table). The play is about the same, the commentary is much worse (Gabe Kaplan rules), but there's so much additional comedy that it's just great. What's meant to be funny, I think, is the voiceover which you must check out at least once, I'm in stitches listening to it. It is the most brilliantly exaggerated sort of gangster cockney I have ever heard, I mean clapped my shells on. "THIS GEEZER GOT MUGGED OFF LARST TIME" roars the voice "CAN E PUT THE SMILE BACK ON IS CLOCK THIS TIME RAHND". If I play GUKPT at the Vic next month I'm going to talk like that all the time. IN YOUR DIAL.

There's loads more unintentional comedy like the set, Mad Marty and his teacher's desk, players saying "fuck" without being bleeped and generally MUGGING EACH OVVER OFF especially the table egg who is so bad even Jamie Gold is being condescending to him. Mad Marty is hopeless by the way, when he thinks of some completely irrelevant point he can make he throws his weight around, but when the entire table is telling the fish not to call with AT when Roland has KK because they want the fish to do his money to them instead, he's nowhere to be seen.

Definitely my favourite is when the egg rivers Devilfish in a completely gross cooler and practically slowrolls him because he can barely read his hand. Then, and I really hate it when people do this to me, he comes over and gives it lots of really sorry, if you'd done this or that blah blah. Devilfish overdoes it sometimes, especially with dealers, but I didn't mind just this once when he said, fully on camera and in front of everyone, "It's alright, I understand - you're a fucking idiot". God the times I have wanted to say that. These people mug me off.

Anyway the real reason I was inspired to post was the way one of the players introduced himself. I'm sure part of it was bravado, but even so, he put on his scariest face and said "Poker's not meant to be fun. It's a job, it's a business, you go in there, win the money and get out. If you want to play poker for fun stick to play chips with your mates when you come home from the pub". I really hope if it ever comes to that point for me I'll find something else to do. I still enjoy playing a great deal, being presented with puzzles to solve, working out the other players, playing final tables for decent money, and so on. It is still a game and if you keep it in perspective you can support yourself (and then some more) just playing a game that you enjoy, which sounds great to me. Maybe it's the harder kind of cash game ethic but when it's all about business or "crushing people's skulls" as another player said, that's all a bit too much for me. Fortunately, as I have mentioned before, poker is a game where you can psych yourself up to the eyeballs without it necessarily helping, in fact it can even impair your decision making IMO. Chill out guys. Enjoy what you do or do something else

Monday, February 25, 2008

Hobson's Choice

While I'm not going to obsess over the American elections like a lot of blogs (and I'm actually referring to US poker players' blogs not the usual suspects over here), I was pleased to see that Ralph Nader is going to stand again. At least now people have the option of registering their view that actually you guys all suck corporate cock. Of course he's not going to win, but that's not the point. The point is that if 3% becomes 5%, then next time 8%, then 10%, then maybe something might change eventually. And anyway, if you don't vote for what you believe, what's the fucking point ? Tactical voting is like being confronted by two rapists and saying "oh well you look like you might be a bit gentler, one second until I lube myself up" instead of trying to fight them off. Even if you get raped either way, at least you can keep a modicum of self-respect.

As for the argument that, as may well have happened in 2000, the 3% who vote for Nader may cause the whole country to be completely run by one particular corporate cock-sucker instead of another for 8 years, then doesn't that really suggest that there's something wrong with your electoral system ? The US is fucked IMO, from New YorQatar to CalifArabia as Megadeth would say [1]. Frankly I'll settle for any candidate who just leaves the rest of the world the fuck alone.

[1] Following last night's gig I am happy to report that Megadeth kick ass more now than ever.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Media Madness

Although this piece is football-related, I think it belongs on here because of the connection with the previous post. I'm sure you know all about Paul Gascoigne's situation. They were having a discussion about this on Radio 5 earlier this evening, which started off with all "the football family must rally round its most talented son" etc etc. Round the table this went until Steve Claridge as much as said "No, that's bollocks". He clarified that while of course Gascoigne's friends and family should help him as best they can, the "football family" had no more responsibility to Gascoigne than to any other ex-players who were struggling for whatever reason. In fact, he added, perhaps less so because Gascoigne has had many chances before, and because many of his problems are self-inflicted. Claridge said that he felt much more sympathy for players who had their careers ended in their teens through injury, or kids in Childrens' Hospitals, etc.

Further to this, Stan Collymore then called in to the programme and backed this up, saying that he felt he had received very little support from "the football family" through all his problems because, in effect, he wasn't as popular as Gascoigne. Now, whatever you think about these points, I applaud both Claridge and Collymore for coming out and saying something that is so different to the tune you usually hear. Claridge also had the self-respect to say "No, that's complete nonsense" in response to a comment someone had texted in, by Christ I wish the rest of them would do that once in a blue moon. You might agree or disagree, but don't forget that both Claridge and Collymore have had their problems with various addictions, and frankly I had more time for their point of view than the guy from Sporting Chance who is making god knows how much a week every time someone like Gascoigne checks in.

As for most of the print media, they can basically go and fuck themselves. When it's lovable old Gazza, let's all rally round and help him out. Which is all very well but when it's Collymore, or Frank Bruno springs to mind, it's let's all point and laugh and shout "OY NUTTER !!". It's pathetic playground crap.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Statto Obv Busto

While clearly this twat who's suing William Hill is claiming the busto sports bettor limelight, another interesting case may have slipped under your radar. I only saw this as I was macheteing my way through the jungle of free papers on the tube, when one of them fell over my face and I was trying to claw it off. Angus "Statto" Loughran filed for bankruptcy this week. Popular legend had it that Statto lived in a mansion with a coterie of Filipino women tending to his every need, all paid for by gambling winnings. I dare say this was slightly exaggerated, but he may well have lived in a two up two down with one Filipino woman tending to his every whim paid for by gambling winnings, or something like that. Not any more I guess. The doomswitch can strike anywhere.

Update : Where I said "slipped off your radar", replace with "been blogged about by everyone else already in the day or so I've been offline". Damn you, information superhighway.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Best Poker Movie Ever By A Factor Of A Million ?

Even allowing for the trailer >>> movie effect, signs point to yes.