Get It Quietly

Football, bollocks and a bit of poker if you're lucky.

Location: Enfield, London, United Kingdom

Saturday, May 20, 2006

I Was Saying Boooo Dog

Booo ! Jeers to Bodog. If you see any of their representatives at the WSOP, throw rotten fruit at them. Here's what their website says :

"This weekend Bodog will be guaranteeing 40 seats to the WSOP Main Event with each prize package worth a whopping $12,500. This Saturday a total of 25 Main Event packages will be up for grabs followed by another 15 Main Event packages on Sunday - guaranteed!"

For a couple of weeks they have been running satellites on a Saturday, $67.50, $125 and $250, with one $12,500 WSOP package guaranteed in each case. They have been running at about 50% capacity, that is a nice 100% overlay. Until I sat down in one tonight. $125+10, 47 runners, yum yum. Oh, wait a minute. The tournament has disappeared without a word of warning or information. And it seems my account has been re-credited with $135.

It's the old "When Is A Guarantee Not A Guarantee". When it's costing us too much. The lobby for upcoming sats says "Tournament registration must reach the minimum number of players or it is cancelled". It doesn't say how many this minimum is. What am I going to do you might say, take them to the international court, or fly a helicopter to Costa Rica, all guns blazing. There's nothing I can do.

Except take my business elsewhere. That's out of order. I know they're still having some satellites with added money, but I don't appreciate having my time wasted only to be denied because a completely unspecified "minimum number of runners" has not been met. That website text once again :

"This weekend Bodog will be guaranteeing 40 seats to the WSOP Main Event with each prize package worth a whopping $12,500. This Saturday a total of 25 Main Event packages will be up for grabs followed by another 15 Main Event packages on Sunday - guaranteed!"

If you don't trust someone, you don't deal with them. Goodbye.

Update : Within 10 minutes of sending them a "Disgusted Of Tunbridge Wells" Email, I received an obviously cut and pasted response, which included the false statement that the satellites were "still the best value on the net". Either they've had a bunch of complaints already or they were anticipating them. As I made clear in another curt response, they hadn't anticipated them enough to make the situation clear before people registered.

Final Update : Predictably enough, the actual minimum number was stated in one place, sufficiently easy to miss that I missed it. So techinically they're fine. Make your own choice. I'm sufficiently irritated to move them right down the list of sites on which to play. It's not like there's nowhere else.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Return Of The Poker Chavs

An extract from a poker blog, which is generously described as "a corker" by its parent website :

"[Hero] approaches the counter [in a KFC] and is asked 'What would you like?' His reply: 'What do you bloody think I want? I want CHICKEN!' at the top of his voice. Where else ... would I have met characters like this?"

What, complete twats ? Just about anywhere in my experience.

Trying to take the piss out of minimum-waged people who are doing a horrible boring job as best they can is both desperately unfunny and also pretty stupid, as anyone who has read Trainspotting will agree. Don't fuck with the people who serve your food. You really have to hope that the raconteur in question was served up a nice spitburger at the very least.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Posing As An Impostor

This is pretty funny. So much for research. Hats off to the guy for trying to blag it. There may be a video of this I can link to when I get home, I'm avoiding doing work at the moment.

What's interesting is that now, according to another report [1], other TV shows want to interview him about being interviewed for a TV show he shouldn't have been on. Are you still happy about wasting your life watching this stuff ? There's only one logical conclusion. Someone else should pretend to be him for subsequent interviews. It's the old Philip K Dick "posing as an impostor". A character in one of his novels talked about a guy who had pretended to be policitians, the pope, etc. all over the world, and now went on talk shows off the back of it. How much easier, the character reasoned, to just pretend that you had done these things. To pose as an impostor. Awesome.

[1] I usually link all my news stories to the BBC website. Guess what ? There's no reference to this story on BBC News. Can't have happened then.

Update : Here's the video. Thanks to Rupert for the link.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Proof That Chocolate Is Bad For You

Be very careful if you buy a Kit Kat. If you see the slightest hint of gold when you open it, shove the lot in your mouth. Eat everything. Don't let anyone see the ticket or the stormtroopers will jump out, whop you over the head and drag you off, feet trailing in the dirt. When you wake up you will be in the Big Brother house of doom, locked in with a bunch of utter wankers, forced to perform demeaning tasks for food. While everyone else is watching the World Cup and laughing at you. It oughtn't to be allowed.


I came across this in Blair Rodman's Caesar's Palace Main Event report :

"I talked to Robert Daly, who will be running the WSOP this year, on the break. He told me that he is a player, has won some big events in Europe, and understands my position."

Won some big events in Europe ? I've never heard of him. OK, I haven't been paying much attention lately. So I checked the Mob database. Nothing. OK, maybe there's a mistake with the name. Google is our friend, and it came up with this (Tim Lavalli on Pokerpages) :

"UPDATE: Things continue to happen in preparation for the Big Event. On the Tournament Director front, Robert Daly remains as Co-Director but now the newly appointed Corporate Director of Poker Operations, Jack Effel, will also assume the other Co-Director position. "

Erm. Now I'm struggling. Maybe he meant "has run some big events in Europe". That's a pretty short straw to clutch. But before I shout "pants on fire" I have posted a comment on Rodman's site asking for confirmation. I'll let you know if there's any comeback.

Update 15/5 : My comment was ignored. Hmmm once again.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Back To Work A-G-A-I-N

Nose back to the grindstone today after taking last week off for no apparent reason. It was great. Didn't really do much. Went to visit parents. Played a lot of online MTTs. Visited library (to exercise mind) and gym (body). Cruised the blogosphere.

Back to work today though, particularly unenthused about alarm clock, pouring rain etc. First thing, I was presented with the unit Chicken Hat for breaking the builds the most last month (a particularly good effort seeing as I wasn't there half the time). "Can we have a picture of you wearing that for the Intranet ?". "No". You might remember a minor Fast Show character who just used to say "No ... nooo ... no, we won't be doing that" all the time. A bit like him. So much for office zaniness. You don't have to be mad to work here, but an ill-thought out and clumsy motivational device involving attempted humiliation of those who don't give a toss anyway helps. Oh no wait, it doesn't.

So, tramping back up the hill after lunch (a tasty Steak and Kidney Pudding followed by 120% sugar caramel slice which I feel I deserved after 3 gym days in a row) my colleague asked "won't you be bored when you're not at work ?". I could have assured him that at no point during the last 10 days was I even one tenth as bored as I am right now. The day can't come soon enough. Now to search the Internet for some good bongo tunes.

Update 15/5 : Someone else has now broken the builds more than me. What I didn't realise was, it's called the Checkin Chicken, because you break the builds by "checking in" incorrect files. Oh, the zaniness.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Important WSOP Question

If you have ESPN's WSOP 2005 Episode 9 to hand, or you care to download it, the question is this. When Greg Raymer is eliminated to applause all round, is Shawn Sheikhan making the international sign [1] for "wanker" ?

The first time I saw it I was sure he was. On repeated viewing, he appears to be clapping quietly for a second, then he stops, then he either makes the international sign for wanker OR buffs his fingernails against his shirt for some reason. Would love a second opinion on this.

[1] And is this even an international sign ? I know most Americans don't even recognise the word (ironically).

Thursday, May 04, 2006

What Are The Odds ?

Pokerstars are normally OK but I spotted this on an advert today :

"If the odds of winning the last WSOP main events were the same as cracking Aces with 10-2 offsuit, then PokerStars pulled the Doyle Brunson. Join PokerStars and join the community that has brought you the 2003, 2004 and 2005 WSOP champions!"

Erm, didn't you sign up the 2005 champion after he won it [1] ?

As soon as someone starts shouting the odds about something that's already happened, your bullshit radar should automatically start beeping. My favourite was a piece in a tabloid many years ago reporting that someone had walked into a casino at 12:12 am and put £12 on number 12, which had promptly obliged. The paper's "lottery expert" then opined that the odds against this were "millions and millions to one". I felt like writing in and saying I was going to walk into Johnny Black's casino wearing a black shirt and black trousers on Black Friday and put a black chip on black, and would he please give me 10-1 against it coming up ? A bargain compared to the true millions to one.

But there's no point talking to most people. As I saw on a forum this morning. I know, I had given up, but the Kill Phil forum is worth keeping an eye on for the authors' tournament reports, Blair Rodman's in particular being very interesting. The trouble is you start clicking on other threads to see what's up. Today the resident troll announced that he "couldn't wait for the lid to blow" on that old standby, Internet poker is bent, they rig bad beats to keep the game going. That's some pressure must have built up over what is it now, 6 years ? 8 ? How many billions of hands on Stars and Party alone ? Wow, when that lid finally does blow it's going to be a hell of a bang !! Tools.

[1] Hachem reportedly bought in to the main event "the old fashioned way", as did Dannenman.