Get It Quietly

Football, bollocks and a bit of poker if you're lucky.

Location: Enfield, London, United Kingdom

Monday, July 18, 2005

In Sickness And In Health

But mostly sickness. If you haven't received an invite to the poker wedding of the year then, well, what can I say. You're just not on the poker A-list. Never mind, you can read about it in OK magazine. As ever, one is faced with the prospect of perusing a gift list and thinking "Hmm. The golf towel or the trouser press ? Decisions decisions". I was once talking about this in the pub, asking just what do you buy for someone you don't know very well, and I received the answer "It depends how well you don't know them". Good enough for Radio 4 quite frankly, if not too good, standards are so low at the BBC nowadays.

Of course though I know Lord and soon-to-be-Lady Miros all too well, sickos that they are, and I'm surprised that they haven't compiled their own gift list. So I have taken the liberty of compiling a suitable alternative list, which has the bonus of being tailored towards the typical poker player's pocket at this post-WSOP time of year.

- 10% of your action in the Big One in Luton. Complete with blow-by-blow account of how Tom Myland knocked you out with K9 suited.

- His and Hers Poker Brat Hockey Jerseys. Look deep into each other's souls with the help of this stylish apparel. Plus Phil really needs the money. It's almost like giving to charity.

- "Bar Beat" box set. Ron Fanelli on etiquette, yours truly on how to mix poker with a successful relationship, and much more. A sound base for any young couple starting out on their life together I'm sure you'll agree.

- A Neil Channing Poker Story Gift Voucher Book. This is my own invention, going on line soon. As soon as the good doctor says to you "So anyway, I'm in the 2 seat" or some other poker equivalent to the opening line of "The Iliad", the grateful owner of the voucher book whips it out, tears off the appropriate ticket and hands it over to his benefactor, who stands in for a couple of hours with the necessary "That's a good question Neil, what do you put him on at this point" and so on, until the bitter end, "Unlucky mate, what can you do". Truly marvellous.

- Who would dare call himself a Lord who does not have the shrunken heads of his enemies over the fireplace ? No one that's who. Which is why a set of Pokerheads would make the perfect gift. And what would be better to spice things up in the bedroom than 7" tall polyresin figurines of Jennifer Harman and Amir Vahedi ? Hubba Hubba !!

- Finally, the reality of life is that any marriage must start out on a sound financial footing, and so any help we can give in that area would be the most practical gift of all. About 10,000 should do it. FPPs that is. No, don't cry, I know, it's an emotional day for everyone.


Blogger Lord Miros said...

Don't start feeling special or anything, it's not the most exclusive guest list. A word to the wise: don't drink and invite. It's just not worth it.

1:31 AM  
Anonymous Peter B said...

I dunno Andy. You spend 80 hours a month in search of online overlays in tournaments, and then you produce a piece that you could easily sell to Gutshot for fifty quid, and you GIVE IT AWAY.

I'm baffed, truly baffed.


PS, please could you send me the chapter "Money Management for advanced players" by Koresh and Brian Stander. I think that we could have the kernel of "Super System 3" here.

7:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was the best blog article I've read in a long time. Genius Andy !



7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very good Mr Ward - gee, I'm in agreement with PeteB. Whatever next?

On the subject of mixing girlfriends & gambling, for fun, at Christmas I gave my girlfriend an array of vouchers from weekend breaks to household chores requiring anything from 2 hours' to a months' notice, which must be redeemed by the end of the year. Unfortunately, she took them very seriously and has forced me to honour them (but not without exception). Since she regarded them as the best present she received from me, I suspect she'll be hoping for more of the same from Santa Claus this year.


1:00 PM  

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