Jay Leno Tells Me Not To Kill Myself
Right, so, as I said, I scored this ticket for Jay Leno and after hanging around the Mirage half the evening waiting for it to start (it didn't till 10-30) and not playing poker because I couldn't be arsed, finally we're off. He's very funny. Half way through he takes a break and does that ask-the-audience-what-job-they-do thing. Now, I'm in a very prominent seat, right in front of him, but I figure I'm going to get away with it because I'm in the second row. Just in case I start thinking "should I say I'm a poker player or not" ? As I am pondering this he suddenly looks right at me and says "how about you sir ?"
Predictably I bottle it and tell him I'm retired, from computer software. He notes that I'm from England and makes some comment about selling coupons in the arcade which I don't understand at all but play along with. "Retired ?" he says, noting my youthful good looks, "how old are ya ?". And when I tell him 39, he says "Well don't kill yourself" and thankfully moves on. I'm fairly sure he was jealous of my early retirement, and he didn't mean "well don't kill yourself because obviously you're a sad loner with no life". Fairly sure. Not even a professional comedian could nail me like that in 10 seconds. Could he ?
Frankly it was an ordeal being grilled like that. I wonder what he would have said if I had claimed to be a professional poker player. Has this ever happened to anyone ? Did you admit what you do ? Would you ? Anyway as I said he was very funny, my favourite part was a great routine about how fat Americans are and if anything he let them off lightly, the streets over here are full of people who are basically freaks, who can barely walk. He reckons flat screen TVs are so popular because people can't fit themselves and a normal TV into the same room. He might be on to something there.
Predictably I bottle it and tell him I'm retired, from computer software. He notes that I'm from England and makes some comment about selling coupons in the arcade which I don't understand at all but play along with. "Retired ?" he says, noting my youthful good looks, "how old are ya ?". And when I tell him 39, he says "Well don't kill yourself" and thankfully moves on. I'm fairly sure he was jealous of my early retirement, and he didn't mean "well don't kill yourself because obviously you're a sad loner with no life". Fairly sure. Not even a professional comedian could nail me like that in 10 seconds. Could he ?
Frankly it was an ordeal being grilled like that. I wonder what he would have said if I had claimed to be a professional poker player. Has this ever happened to anyone ? Did you admit what you do ? Would you ? Anyway as I said he was very funny, my favourite part was a great routine about how fat Americans are and if anything he let them off lightly, the streets over here are full of people who are basically freaks, who can barely walk. He reckons flat screen TVs are so popular because people can't fit themselves and a normal TV into the same room. He might be on to something there.
2 Comments:
funny. i almost never tell anyone i'm a poker player anymore.
let's just say it's far easier to say 'programmer' such as you did. :)
hehe, i can't bear being asked what i do & invariablly make up some lame excuse of a career...why i should give a sh1t what some johnny punch-clock thinks i'll never know
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