He Shoots ...

He Scores ! 

And The Crowd Goes Wild !!


Are you as cool as me ? No.

The Worst Sports Betting Pundit Ever

Damn ! Now all my playoff tips have lost I'm 300 million units in the hole. Must get out of it ! Let's see, England v Columbia, half a billion units on ... oh never mind :-)

Let The Game Take Care Of Them

From a comment below, Steve asks "Andy, do you, like me, hope our mark [Strahan] continues on his downward spiral?"

While I joke about anti-funking below, I don't go as far as searching around the Internet for people I don't like and actively willing them to lose. Life is a bit too short. The great thing about poker for me is that you don't need to. The game itself takes care of them in the end.

Personally, I don't like dishonest people and I don't like bullies *. You meet a lot of these types over the table. What you [I] have to remember is that these characteristics are not conducive to winning at the game. Not at all. It takes a very clever person to win at the game consistently if they are either or both. Especially the dishonesty. Someone who is dishonest with others will find it very difficult to be honest with himself, and if you can't do that you're going a long way uphill when it comes to improving your game and practising good game selection. Every dog has his day of course, especially on the tournament circuit, but for all their bluster many of these people are struggling to stay afloat in poker.

On a slightly lesser scale, I don't have much respect for people who blame everyone else for their losses, give rub-downs, and generally play up at the table. And while it may be a necessity for most players on the "circuit" to market themselves, I have most respect for the ones who don't do it at all (that's why Ivey is the king for me) or at least keep it to a minimum. The same principle applies - if you over-do the marketing you will start to believe your own press which can be very detrimental to your game. I can't help but reference Hellmuth here. If you disagree I can only suggest that you read his CardPlayer articles "afresh", as though you didn't know who he was, and make a decision from there.

The point is that the game of poker takes care of 99% of the people who have these unpleasant traits. They really will be alright. Some fools think "You'll be Alright" is just something to say after a bad beat - no - it's an entire philosophy in three words. That's how much of a genius Francis is. So no. I'm not wishing Mark ill fortune because if he doesn't change his ways it will happen all on its own. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even soon ... but in the long run there's no escaping karma.

What goes around ... comes around. If only the same applied in life. Then again, maybe it does. It may depend on exactly how you define success.

* By "bullies" of course I don't mean just betting and raising a lot, I mean belittling other people and enjoying it, just for the sake of it.

He gets paid for this ?

So you want to know the probability of a hand winning ? Two things you can do. Ask the expert ; he'll work it out by hand and give you the wrong answer before the month is out.

Or go to twodimes and find that it's really 34%. In twenty seconds.

Penalty Claws

The next pundit or manager who says "penalties are a lottery" should be strapped down with his eyes peeled open like in A Clockwork Orange and made to watch Arsenal's penalties yesterday 100 times. Penalties are a test of nerve and technique. If you have the nerve, you can wait for the keeper to move and slide it the other way. If you have the technique, you can just smack it in the top corner. And to be fair 4/5 of United's penalties were very good too - but one wasn't, so they lost.

The closest I have ever been to shooting the TV out (if I had a gun) was when Glenn Hoddle was punditing the 1998 World Cup after England's elimination. When the subject of penalties came up he had the nerve and/or ignorance to say "Well Italy practiced penalties and they lost their shootout", with a "so there" look on his face. That's the kind of specious reasoning you need to form his kind of beliefs mind you. Good logic Glenn, so presumably when you subsequently managed Tottenham you never trained at all - I mean look at all those teams who train and still get relegated or knocked out of the cup. Come to think of it maybe they never did - it would explain a lot.

So Hoddle's a goon, but shame should be heaped upon all present who allowed this to go unchallenged. Mind you when Richard Keys can say "there was nothing between the two teams" after a game as one-sided as yesterday's, you wonder if they're watching the games at all or just having their make-up touched up.

Anti-Funking

The great thing about the old Coin-Flipping Championships is that you read about every single demise. We don't want to know who's getting the cake - we want to know who's doing their bollocks tramping all around Europe for the sake of their ego. And so I can now happily report that everyone in the event who I think is a twat is out. Hooray !

I'm joking. Or am I ? Many a true word. You'd have to be a saint not to laugh at the Devilfish though.

"Before the match started, Dave gave his opponent a warm welcome with the words: "I'll call your airline - so that they can already book your ticket."

And 14 minutes later he's beaten. What would Nelson Muntz say do you think ?

If I have to be positive I hope Colclough wins it. He is a top player and I bear him no personal animosity (which is quite a compliment really).

Never Mind Judas Priest ...

... arrest Daniel O'Donnell !

In my long-distant youth, country music was very popular among the older (or nearly dead as we saw them) generation. Needless to say, we rebelled. "Och, you boys and your heavy metal" they used to say, "it's the divvil's work". But it turns out that Susan McCann and Barnbrack were the agents of Satan after all, according to this research. It doesn't surprise me.

Taking Five

FYI I'm on a break from poker for a week or two. After that I shall have a go at some proper on-line tournaments - $100 and $50 rebuy minimum. Stick with what I'm best at. In the meantime we're pretty busy at work and I'd rather give my brain a rest in the evening.

Stay tuned for football related posting - I think some credit is due to Bryan Robson for keeping WBA up. OK they only managed 34 points but that's not the point - they finished 17th. Robson has almost been a joke figure since the perception that Venables had to save his bacon at Middlesboro, and I freely admit that I thought the same, but was doing him an injustice. There are a few pundits around (not least on the normally competent Football365) who could swallow their pride and admit the same.

Right. Back to the playoffs. Can Brentford pull it round ? Come on you Bees !!

Watching From Afar

Well it's now definite, the WSOP is going to have to manage without me. It's a shame, and many will not be surprised to hear that I'll miss the bowling and the apple martinis more than the poker. That leaves two things I have to do. 1) Convince myself it's going to be crap anyway. Seriously I do have some reservations about how it's going to go this year. To follow. 2) One reservation which I have is 14 days at the Gold Coast, which of course I can't use. 23rd June-7th July. Rather than toss it back in the river, email me andy@pokersoft.co.uk if you can use it. I'll give you a week and then I will, if necessary, decide who to bestow it upon on an entirely subjective basis.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Turn On The TV

... all 15 playoff games live on Sky. Oh well, summer will have to wait a couple of weeks. Might as well have a bet. If the playoffs are a lottery, then let's back the outsiders. One hundred million units on each of Preston (4.7), Brentford (4.3) and Macclesfield (5.2). If just one of them comes in I will be (in unit terms) the most successful sports advisor ever. And even if you beg to differ, do steer clear of Ipswich and Southend who have a huge psychological barrier to overcome. Tranmere should be ok as they never really expected to go up automatically.

The Camera Never Lies

Go to Matt Nuttall Photography, click "view our recent event and sport images", click "Please click here to view and place orders from your recent event" (try not to be distracted by the picture on the left), click "Football Aid - QPR - Both Halves", click the "View Images" button, go to Page 4 and enjoy !

Sports Betting Wrap-Up

Well Everton did the business even though they did kind of flop over the line with their last breath. Considering how they sold Gravesen and have mostly been poor since about February and are still going to have at least a three-point cushion, it just goes to show what a good bet it was at 5-2 ! By the way Titmus, should I have laid it off ?

Cardiff cheated and so that doesn't count. Unfortunately Betfair aren't giving me my £20 back though. Looking back through this blog I did chuck in a few bogus tips (Charlton to challenge for fourth, doh) but those were the only two I had money on and I did go large on Everton (for me) so that pulled in a few quid.

I suppose we still have relegation from the Premiership and play-offs and European Cup Final to dispense with but once they're done I hope to shift the TV to the spare room and allow it to gather dust over the summer. As long as I can find something else to do other than just Internet Poker ...

Post-match Analysis

OK. Now, when it comes to the goal, there is one question you have to answer - do you want to hear the truth ? Can you handle the truth ?

If not, I skinned the centre half, bore down on goal through the inside-left channel, faked to pass it square and drilled it inside the near post.

If so, the centre half let it bounce and made a horrible mess of it, I lumbered towards the goal, tried to square it, got my body shape all wrong and scuffed it into the gap the keeper had left, having correctly read my intention to pass. Nonetheless, Senor Ronaldinho, it is absolutely about how many you score, not how you score !

Fortunate as this goal was, I think it was a bit of instant karma because I would have scored 10 minutes before were it not for the keeper handling outside the box. Apart from that my best moment was a Steven Gerrard-like flick over the defence for an onrushing forward - but unlike Milan Baros my strike partner actually met it first, headed it on, then got clattered by the keeper and a defender cleared it off the line. It was spookily like Liverpool's goal against Chelsea but sadly there was no doubt this time that it stayed out.

We did win the game 4-3, you may think the result is irrelevant but you never walk onto a football pitch indifferent to winning or losing. Frankly they were mostly the better team but we had a good goalkeeper, a guy who could take corners and another guy who could head them in. He scored the other three, all from corners. Modern football is all about set pieces !

Unfortunately there was no one videoing it (or perhaps fortunately in truth), but I will try to put some still pictures on here when they're available, fingers crossed there will be one of me wheeling away in triumph !

In all truth I was one of the worst players on the park, especially for the last half hour as I didn't pace myself well (read: I wasn't fit enough). There were quite a few guys my age or even older who had obviously been very good players in their time. Anyway, if you're a football fan and you have a chance to do this, do it. www.footballaid.com. Quite apart from how much everyone enjoyed it, we raised £8000, half for Diabetes Research and the rest being split between various local charities and community projects. Thanks to everyone at Football Aid who helped us out on the day and especially QPR coach and legend Gary Waddock who was terrific, very friendly and a great ambassador for the club.

Goooooooooooooooooooal

I scored a goal at Loftus Road ! I am now King of the World ! Wooooooooooooooo hoo !

Full report to follow. Right now I am absolutely knackered.

Things What I Have Read On The Internet

It doesn't take much to catch my eye while I'm surfing the web, of an evening of course, and here are a couple or three eye-catching things :

Joe Kinnear defends his record at Nottingham Forest in the most remarkable manner. Is it unfair of me to paraphrase this as follows : "Gary Megson ? Thought he could get Forest out of the shit did he ? Well he just didn't realise how much shit I had left them in ! Ha ha, I'm the greatest ! Oh no, wait ..."

Freeserve have provided this helpful guide to the "top ten" scams. If you read through them, a pattern suggests itself. Couldn't they just have said "if someone offers you a lot of money, but asks you for some money first, it's a scam". And can't people just bear this top tip in mind ? Well, anyone who can't see past the dollar signs flashing up in their own eyes probably deserves it. They say you can't con an honest man.

Bill Fillmaff is back once again, to inform and entertain. Taking the piss out of Hellmuth may be more like shooting fish in a barrel with every new day, but to be fair this guy is nailing those fish right between the eyes. You might like to skim through Paul Phillips' blog first or you'll miss some of the jopkes.

Finally back to football for perhaps the most bizarre of all. Is this some kind of scam ? Surely not, if it has Rodney Marsh's name attached. Assuming it is real, interesting move for QPR to become involved. Even if they are legally obliged to give a contract to someone who's not up to it, there's nothing to say they can't pay them YTS money or something. And who knows, they might find another Les Ferdinand (as if that could be). There's no mention of this being televised, which seems odd - it sounds a sight more interesting than most "reality" shows. Especially when the last seven take to the training ground for a final examination at the hands of Mr. Shittu and M. Santos !